Wednesday, December 10, 2008

With Friends Like Frank...

Look, I love Frank Miller. And Frank loves Will Eisner. Both of these facts are beyond debate. And yet - when I watch the TV spots for Miller's Spirit movie...yeesh.

How exactly does turning Eisner's work into Sin City pay respectful homage to it? It's not that I'm against the idea of stark black/white punctuated with a single obnoxiously bright color. It's been Frank's baby since "Babe Wore Red", and even though I personally think the effect is now overplayed and best laid to bed, I get it for Sin City.

But seriously, how does turning The Spirit into a Sin City knock-off do anything but drink 64 ounces of Gatorade and pee all over Eisner's work? Basically, Frank is saying "I like Eisner's stuff so much, it's deserving of getting scrapped for the Frank Miller treatment!" Blecch. Make it look like Eisner, you arrogant prick!

Cinematography aside, how does anybody watch that guy yell "Somebody get me a tie...and it better be RED!" without laughing about how STUPID it sounds. Who filmed that and said "Cut! Thaaaat's a keeper!" Apparently Frank Miller did.

To reiterate my first point, I do love Frank, the little scamp. But I'm beginning to smell the faint trickle of excrement in the wind. And I think it's that Spirit movie coming soon.

- Ryan

Friday, December 5, 2008

How am I the Biggest Douche Bag?

I am trying to figure out why I am a close second to Dad DiDio in the Douche Bag category. I am not sure I deserve that monocle. Seems like I could be the nicest of the shows hosts. Obviously I am wrong because you as the viewers are always right. I would like to know WHY everyone thinks I am a giant Douche Bag? Is there a specific reason? Is it my grating voice? Is it my large ball sack? I am sure that one of them could be the culprit.

Perhaps I come across as too polite and people aren't used to that due to the fact that Ryan is kind of harsh at times. This is due to his lack of sexual activity. I don't count sex with ones self as actual sex. This could be the reason for his douche baggery. I can't explain mine, other than it's just my o'natural self.